Send Funny SMS Messages Free

Garry Glitter Sent By Amy Willis Gary Glitter gets home 2 find his girlfriend packin. "I'm leavin! I just foung out ur a paedophile!" "Woooh!" says Gary! "Thats a big word for a 10 yr old!"	Jacko's Nose Sent By Lisa how does michael jackson pick his nose??????? . . . . from a catalogue	10% Off Sent By Jo (Hull) Why do females like a man thats been circumcised? . . . Because they can't resist something with 10% off.
Michael Barrymore Sent By Rachel Pool party at my house! your invited Sender: M barrymore +44777000????	Daddy Sent By Shuaib Boy:mum is their anything wrong with having a dick. Mum replies no. Boy: well why is dad trying to pull his one off upstairs?	Newsflash Sent By Sassy News Flash. A girl has been found dead on the beach she has saggy tits, bucket fanny bad luks and no brain.txt me bck so i no ur ok
More Confusion Sent By George Martin Q. How do you confuse a wanker? A. 36	Battered Wife Sent By Julian Poole what do u tell a women with 2 black eyes . . . . nothing u'v told her twice already	Wetter Pussy Sent By Elaine A cat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river but gets his paws wet,then sees a bigger 1,but falls in. Moral of the story? Bigger the sausage, wetter the pussy
Specs Sent By Ev Guess who I bumped into in Specsavers today? . . . Everybody!!!!	Dyslexic Robbers Sent By Bigfish two dyslexic robbers walk into a bank shouting - "AIR IN THE HANDS MOTHER STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK UP!"	Monkey Sent By Viv why did the monkey fall out the tree? . . . . because it was dead!
What... Sent By Linda What is the definition of ultimate rejection? Your hand falling asleep while Masturbating!!!	Cannibal Sent By Bigfish A cannibal is find found crying next to a large pile of shit Someone asks "Whats Wrong?" The cannibal replies "I've just dumped my girlfriend"	Blue Peter Sent By D J C There once was a girl called Ulrika, whose sex life couldn't be sweeter, she was battered by Stan, Sven wasn't a fan and was raped by a cunt from Blue Peter
Xmas Panto Sent By steve michael barrymore has been asked to do a panto at xmas . he said no thanks ive already done Aladdin this year !!	What's... Sent By Dal Q: whats green, got six legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? . . . A: a snooker table!	Ulrika's Phone Sent By Angelic Ulrika Johnson injured herself today by sitting on her phone. DR's say there is nothing to fear, its not the first Erricson sheshad up her arse
Reebok Sent By Mandy Reebok r making ladies lycra shorts called "mumbles", its because they r so tight u can c the lips move but cant see what the cunts saying!	Tits Sent By Gemma A woman asks her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust bigger. He said try rubbing toilet paper between ur tits once a day, its worked for ur arse!!	Washer Sent By Jaz what do you do if your washing machine brakes down? . . . Slap her!
Blowjob Sent By Katie Bloke wakes at 5am randy as fuck. Any chance of a blow job? he asks his wife too tired she said wank in a glass and ill drink it tomorrow	Take Them Off Sent By Gemini take off my clothes, bra and thong . . . . and i neva want 2 c u wearin my clothes again!	Blonde Bird Sent By Sagar HOW DID A BLONDE TRY TO KILL A BIRD? . . . THREW IT OFF A CLIFF
Seducement Sent By Warby I shall seek and find you. I shall take you to bed and control you. I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan..... All my love, THE FLU	Crying Game Sent By Kersh how do you make your wife cry when your having sex? . . . Ring her up and tell her!	M&M's Sent By Sagar WHY DID THE BLONDE GET CHUCKED OUT THE M&M FACTORY? . . . SHE CHUCKED AWAY THE W'S
Whats a cock? Sent By Amy Willis "Mum."... "yes dear"... whats a cock?"... "oh thats the dangly thing between a mans legs." "Whats a cunt then?"... "Thats the rest of him!"	Monkey Sent By Jamie 3 monkeys escaped from the zoo... one was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message.	Marriage Sent By Jamie Bride's father hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.'
For Sale Sent By Amy Willis FOR SALE Complete set Encyclopaedia Britannica. Excelent condition. No longer needed. Fuckin wife knows everything.	Hubby & wife Sent By Jamie A wife asks hubby how many woman he had slept with? Husband proudly replies Only You Darling, with others i was awake...	Refreshing change Sent By Clarksy! Why did the road cross the chicken? ........ ........ ........ Cause it makes a 4kin change!
Stupid Mum Sent By Robert your mum is so stupid she revised for a drugs test	Pub Sent By Damian Rider I guy walks into a pub and shouts . "all you on the lefthand side are bastards and you lot on the righthand side are cunts. . "im not a cunt!" . "get on the bastard side then"	Sexy? Sent By chris banner This is magic press down 12 times and u will become SEXY!! .. .. at your age u still belive in magic STUPID ASS!!
Mad Scientist Sent By Rob a mad scientist makes a self lubicating fanny and gives it to his wife . She asks what am i supposed to do with that ? he repiles teach it to cook then fuck off	Press Down Sent By Joe Edwards Press Down . . . Press Down . . . Press Down . . . Jump Off A Cliff . . . Damn I got greedy!	Men Sent By Vicky WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PUB AND A CLITORIS? . . . MEN ALWAYS FIND THE PUB!
Wonder Bra Sent By Badass Bizz Wonder Bra's R Called wonder bra's 4 1 reason and 1 reason only, u take it off and wonder where the fucking tits R.	Pillow Fight Sent By Becky hey sexy how about a long nite ov heavy dirty kinky sweaty rampant unbelievably horny well needed pasionate uncontrolable savage bedbreakin PILLOW FIGHT U Up 4 IT???	Prostitute Sent By Ricky Met this prostitute who charges by the inch, no good to me, but she'd be a cheap fuck for you!
Little Ralph Sent By Richard Mc mary had a little lamb she called it little ralph its burning in a field right now cos its got foot & mouth	Dupsville Sent By Scott WELCOME TO DUMPSVILLE.. .... .... .... POPULATION YOU!!!	Box Sent By Stevie Malone [] this is a box ... wanna see whats inside the box ... ... ... tough shit get your own fukin box
Ba-Ba- White Sheep Sent By M J ba ba white sheep grazing on sum grass when a maff official shoots it up the ass burnt by mornin fumes fill the sky less meat 4 kebabs & shepherds pie	Emotions Sent By Yvonne Carrick Feelin bored? THINK OF ME Feelin sad? CALL ME Feelin lonely? See me Feelin Horny? Use ur hand & enjoy d art of messagin me :p	Monkey Sent By Yvonne Carrick A group of monkeys has escaped from Glasgow zoo yersterday nite & one of them is holding a mobile phone rite now.
LIAR Sent By M J Press Down .... .... .... Press Up .... .... .... Oh! ur phone is working then, U LIAR!	Some 1 Sent By Jackie Clarke SOME1 MISSES U NEEDS U WORRIES ABOUT U WANTS 2B WITH U ...................................& IT AINT ME U CUNT!	Goal keeper Sent By Tomy Lee Jones do u know WHO is the best goolkeeper in this world ? ANSWER: WOMEN, no matter how much and which way u fuck her, ur balls will never go in.
Depressed Cows Sent By Tamy A GIRL ASKS: why cows seem depressed wen being milked? TEACHER: if every morning at dawn they rubbed your boobs 4 two hours n don't fuck u, HOW WUD U FEEL?	Run! Sent By Lee Worthington what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you run cause he's got a grenade in his mouth	Credit Card Expired Sent By Jordo your credit has now expired....you r the weakest link goodbye.....
Scream Sent By Kerry Roses r red, the grass is green. open those legs ur about 2scream!	Talk 2 Trees Sent By Dusty Dog sex n drugs n rock n rave thatz get smashed n misbehave, on speed n weed n little e's lets get fucked n talk 2 trees	3 Tampons Sent By Abigail Williams 3 Tampons walking down da street.Which 1 Says HELLO? ... None,their all stuck up cunts
Pleasant Sent By Lou Anderson You think Im a bitch, but Im actually quite pleasant, until Im awake!	My Job Sent By Lou Anderson We go up and down, protection is tight, keepin it up all damn night, never tired always alert..... I love my job as a security guard	Beer & Canoe's Sent By Martin Stringer what do american beer and making love in a canoe have in common? they're both close to fucking water
Guy Wanted Sent By M J WANTED..guy..preferably hansome, nice car, nice ass, fantastic in bed, kind & caring... I no this doesnt apply 2 u but if ya no any 1 give them my number.	Idiot Sent By Beermat How Do U Keep An Idiot Entertained? .... Press Down .... .... .... Press Up .... .... ....	Jack, Jill & A Dairy Sent By Paul Sommerfield Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER
Newsflash Sent By Ryan Heaney Newsflash: A two seated plane has crashed into a cemetery in Dublin an hour ago. Irish police have reportedly alredy found 571 bodies!!	ABC... Sent By Bomb Boy A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T V W X Y Z oopz! i miss "U"	FIRE Sent By Jackie Clarke In case of fire read this message.. ....... ....... ....... ....... ....... I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!
Young Girls Sent By Ox This time im sure about wat i feel & im gonna say it, i i l i lo i lov i love i love y i love yo i love young girls with Shaven Pussys!	Nuts Sent By Ox Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall? A)walnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chest? A)chestnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chin? A)a mouth full of cock !	Cocktail Sent By Sheena Clavey Whats the definition of a cocktail? Giving a blowjob with ice and a slice!
Woman From China Sent By Kath There was a woman from china who had a lovely vagina, she stood on the street corner and people ignored her, because she looked like an eguana!	Wet Dream Sent By Dave Wm i had a wet dream about you last night! . . . I pissed myself when you fell of a cliff!	Tradition Sent By Ox Seeking luv iz a mission... finding luv iz a complexed ambition... so y not go wiv the asian tradition, and let the parentz make the decision...
Fish Sent By Little Angel Heres to the hole that never heals, the more u rub it the wetter it feels, lick it, suck it fuck it to hell but u can't get rid of that damn fishy smell!	Twins or Triplets Sent By Ox I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!	Smile Sent By Khalid SMILE IF YOU AREN'T WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR
Angel Sent By Abi I asked God for a Flower,He gave me a garden I asked for a tree he gave me a forest I asked for a river he gave me an ocean I asked for an angel he gave me you	Olden Days! Sent By Yvonne Carrick When time was old & when men were bold & condoms weren't invented they'd tie a sock around their cock & children were prevented!!!	Lik Ur Lips Sent By Lisa Kane sex is good, sex is fine, dogy style or 69, just 4 fun or getting paid, every1 loves getting laid, so if u want me in ur sack, lick ur lips and txt me bak!!