Send Funny SMS Messages Free

*Egg & Wnk** Sent By Mc Capper Rapper Wots the difference between an egg & a wank? . . . U cant beat a wank!	Man From China Sent By Mega Meggan There was a young man form China, that wasnt farmiler with vagina's . . . . I didnt no u wer from China	War? Sent By Charlie Sheen Want 2 play war? . . . . I'll lay down and u can blow the fuck out of me!
Buckingham Palace Sent By Ian NEWSFLASH Buckingham Palace is pleased to announce that it longer smells of piss!	Paddy & Mick Sent By Bill Murray paddy and mick are throwing stones at the ground . . . Paddy misses	My Granny Sent By Ev Its important 2 keep fit as u get older. My granny started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. Today she is 97 and we don't know where the fuck she is!
Family Reunion Sent By dunno SMS: Whats the differance between a famliy reunion & a "69" . . . In a "69" you only kiss one cunt!!	Q Mum Sent By James Boix da queen mother is floatin up2heaven wen she sees diana at the gates smiling,so liz shouts"oi wipe that Merc of ur face"	Wife Sent By Claire what does WIFE stand for? . . . Washing, Ironing, Fucking, Etc...
Party Sent By Helen The Star I've been invited to a major drugs party tonight I've been told I have to bring my own dope. . . . Do you want to come!!	Malteseres Sent By Adam Garath Gates went into a sweetshop the other day for some maltesers. He came out with loads of m&m's	Ugly Sent By Ozzi there r 5 milion monkeys havin a wank, there r 4 milion gorilaz havin a suck, 3 milion baboons havin a fuck. and there's 1 ugly ape readin this message
Lottery Sent By Gemma Grafton a woman orders 2 drinks,then pours both over her crutch. when asked y she explained, i just won the lottery,and this is the only cunt im sharing it with!	Aussie Sent By Ev Big Aussie going down d road wit a sheep under each arm. Meets a mate who says G'day mate, ya shearing? Nah says the Aussie. Gonna fuck em both meself	Blonde Sent By Sexy Katie how can u tell if a blondes bin on a computor?tippex on da screen! how can u tell if anova blondes bin on after her? writin on da tippex!!!
Wots Up Wiv Ya Fone Sent By Houry Hey, What's wrong with ur phone? I tried 2 call u alot of times.Everytime I call, operator says,"THE SUBSCRIBER U HAVE DIALLED IS HAVIGH SEX, PLS TRY LATER..."	English Fart Sent By Anon Wat do u call an english mans fart??? . . . BRITISH GAS!	Horny Dog Sent By Cino SMS: How do u stop a dog from shagging ur leg? . . . . . Pick him up and suck his cock!
Smart Blonde Sent By Big Rob Q: What do you call a smart blonde? . . . A: Golden Retriever.	Men Sent By Lyndsy Why do men drive like they make luv? . . . Cos they never check to c if anyone else is cummin b4 they pull out.	David Beckham Sent By Littlemissflash Have you ever wondered why David Beckham has such short hair?.. Because a friend of victoria's told her that sex would be better if she shaved her twat!!
Old Lady Sent By Herby Whats a 65 year old woman got between her legs that a 25 year old woman aint get between hers? . . . her nipples!	Bad Taste Sent By Many People Queen Mother bumps into Diana, She says "Hey Diana, where can I get one of those halo`s?" Diana replies" Dont take the piss this is a fuckin steering wheel!"	Queen Mum Sent By Herby What does the Queen Mum and Jim Davidson have in common ? They both fuck up saturday night television!
Heart Or U? Sent By Matt If I had letters "hrt" I can add "ea" and get heart, If I add u then Id "hurt" but I rather choose u and get hurt than have a heart without u.	Leapard Sent By Jenny & Ian what do you do if you cum upon a leapard in a jungle? wipe it off and say sorry!	Friends Sent By Carole Hillman FRIENDS are like stars..... you do not ALWAYS SEE them but you know they are always there...
Luv Me Tender Sent By Ox Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch the cum drip down my chin!	Shagable Sent By Ox God created the world in six days, but it took him centuries to create someone...as hot...as sexy...as shaggable...as ME!	No Mates? Sent By Strathern u mate r mate a mate sad mate twat mate if mate u mate think mate that mate u mate have mate this mate many mate mates! Now read it again but take out the mate
You've Got Mail Sent By Ox You've got mail! . . . Open it please! . . . Invitation for a shag! . . . . Phone me for details	Rabbit Sent By Jenni M Y does a rabbit av long ears? . . . . . . Coz its a fucking rabbit!	Send It On Sent By Julia UPON RECEIVING THIS TEXT YOU MUST SEND IT TO 1 PERSON YOU LIKE, 1 PERSON YOU HATE, 1 PERSON YOU LOVE, AND 1 PERSON YOU WANT TO FUCK. NOW THINK ABOUT WHY I SENT IT TO YOU!
Alphabet Sent By Ox a-ur attractive b-ur beautiful c-ur caring d-ur delicous e-ur exciting f-ur funny g-ur gorgeous h-ur horny I-IM J-JUST K-KIDDING L-LOSER	Sexy Sounds Sent By Ox 4 sounds women make during sex. 1asthmatic; ah.ahh.ah..ah 2obedient; ys.yes..yess 3unsatisfied; more.more..mmore 4religious; oh god..oh god	My Best Friend Sent By Kev & Nick Ive got ur bak & uve got mine,ill help u out netime,2 see u hurt,2 see u cry,makes me weep & wanna die,ill b right here,til d end,cos ur my luv & my bestfriend
No Santa ? Sent By Muppet i cant hide this from u anymore,i really dont wana hurt u,but i feel its better i tell u b4 u hear it from some1 else.im REALLY sorry but theres no santa!!!	2 Little Lambs Sent By Dave Mary had 2 little lambs, che named them Jack and Gypsy. They both got foot and mouth disease and now they're black and crispy!	Tear Sent By John Parr If I was a tear I would want to be born in your eye, live on your cheek and die on your lips
Ahh.. Sent By Jaz U´re the one I love, the one I need but bad mistakes I´ve done indeed, in search for forgivness and happyness too I want to say that I love u	Last Night Sent By Michael Graham last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky... then i thought where the fuck is my roof	Fall in Love Sent By Dustydog you can fall from a mountain,you can fall from a tree,but the best way to fall,is to fall inlove with me.
Dog Face Sent By Lorna Archibald If my dog had a face like yours I'd shave its ass and walk it backwards!	China Man Sent By Joe CHING CHONG CHINAMAN TRIED 2 MILK A COW, CHING CHONG CHINAMAN DIDN'T NOW HOW,CHING CHONG CHINAMAN PULLED D RONG TIT, CHING CHONG CHINAMAN CUVERED IN SHIT	Doin` Time Sent By Dustydog if luvin' was aginst the law,and kissin' waz a crime,id gladly spend my life wit u,in prison doin' time.
Ugly Offspring Sent By Kirsty What sexual position produces the ugliest offspring? ASK UR MUM!	Humpty Dumpty Sent By Lucy Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore,humpty dumpty fucked her some more,all the kings horses and all the kings men bent the bitch over and fucked her again!	Vampire Sent By Louise Clarke There was a young vampire named mabel, who's periods were highly unstable, every full moon, she'd pull out a spoon, and drink herself under the table!
Ugly Tree Sent By Helen You look like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.	God Sent By Abi God made flower, god made cheese, God made you for me to squeeze, god made fanta, god made pepsi, when god made you, damn he made you sexy	Toilet Sent By Julian Robins come here, take off urs pants and knickers, get on top of me, enjoy until u get satisfied, loving urs......... toilet!
Viagra Sent By Rikki Graham CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION As of May 2001 Viagra will only be available through chemists by its chemical name.So please ask for MYCOXAFLOPPIN Thank you	Room 42 Sent By Brendan man in hotel bumps into womans boobs & says if ur heart is as soft as ur bosom u'll forgive me. She replies if ur cock is as hard as ur elbow i'm in room 42!	Nature Games Sent By Mich Willz Bunnies do it often, doggies do it right, come and join in natures game+keep me up all night!
Cheese Sent By Helen There once was a mouse called keith, who circumsised boys with his teeth, it was'nt for leisure or sexual pleasure but to get to the cheese underneath.	Man From China Sent By Bekkie & Lucie THERE WOZ A YOUNG MAN FROM CHINA, WHO WASN'T A VERY GOOD CLIMBER, HE SLIPPED ON A ROCK, AND CUT OFF HIS COCK, AND NOW HE HAS A VAGINA!	Big Bad Wolf Sent By Jackie Clarke Big bad wolf told little red riding hood ' lift your top so i can suck your tits' "No!"she said lifting her skirt,'eat me like the fucking book says!'
Mary Stinks Sent By Jackie Clarke Mary had a smelly minge with pubes as dark as charcoal.So most the men go round the back and stick it up her arsehole!	Crackers Sent By Gateway The boy stood on the burning deck playing with his crackers one flew down his trouser leg and blew off his knackers	Kiss My Ass Sent By Claire The fluffy cloud may kiss the sky, the rose may kiss the butterfly, the morning due may kiss the grass but you my friend may kiss my ass!!
Falling For You Sent By Yvonne Carrick Are you a doctor?, only i thik i've twisted my ankle falling for you!	Man From Ducket Sent By Luv Babe There woz a man from ducket, he had a dick so long he could suck it. he said with a grin, wipping cum off his chin, if my ear woz a cunt i'd fuck it	Korma Sent By Yvonne Carrick What happened to the bloke who injected curry in to himself?...He went in to a Korma!
You Have Won Sent By you have won first prize in a raffle. first prize is an illegal immigrant child, if you do not collect your prize within 14 days we willsend you the whole fucking family	Lady From Leeds Sent By Gateway There was a young lady from Leeds who swallowed a packet of seeds in half an hour her tits were aflower and her fanny was covered in weeds.	You Want Me Sent By Stacie you look good, you look fine, on the top or 69, feel the sweat, feel the heat, i want u n u want me.
Nokia Is Sorry Sent By Linzi nokia is sorry but the network has gone down on all users except you. we regret to inform you that no one would go down on you not evan the network	Man From Dunfreen Sent By Jason Hughes There was a young man from Dunfreen who invented a wanking machine on the 99'th stroke the fucking thing broke and whipped up his bollox to cream !	Uncle Jim Sent By Stevie 'G' I went for a walk with my uncle Jim, when someone threw a tomato at him, 'tomatos dont hurt' i replied with a grin.... 'They FUCKING well do when the're still in the TIN!!
Me = Liar Sent By Australia You = Gorgeous You = Sexy You = Intelligent You = Delicious You = Seductive You = Perfect Me = liar Only Joking!!	Man From Gosham Sent By Gateway there was an old man from Gosham, who got out his bollocks to wash em his wife said oh Jack if you don't put em back i'll stand on the bastards and squash em.	Bedroom Golf Sent By Mich Willz bedroom golf can make u grin,u need a stick 2 help u win.Keep ur clubs in good condition+neva play wivout permission.Practice often its lotsa fun+try2get a hole in1!
Wedding Sent By Matty2kn1 mary had a little lamb, she took it to a weddin', she tied it to the steeple, and kicked its fuckin head in	In Jamaica Sent By Claire Enefer in Jamaica under a tree sellin condoms 4 50p.big 1s small 1s take yr pick, it all depends on the size of yr dick!	Ugly Sent By David Lynch Your soooo ugly. If I had a face like yours i'd teach my arse to talk
Peach is A Peach Sent By Sara Henwood A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum, a kiss aint a kiss, wivout N E cum, so open ur mouth, close ur eyes, fink of me and fanticise!!	Georgie Porgie Sent By Micheal Grogan george porgie pudding and pie shot his load in his girlfriends eye & when her eyes were tightly shut he bent her over & fucked the slut	Pre-Paid Sex Sent By Yushairol "How 2 use Prepaid Sex. 1.Scratch d protective panty 2.pres d niple 3.enter d penis 4.d voice wil confirm if ur entry is succesful. AAAHHH! UUUHHH!"
Mary's Bike Sent By Rich & Andy T. mary had a little bike, she road it back to front, all the time the wheels went round the spokes went up her cunt	Mary's Duck Sent By mary had a little lamb she also had a duck, she put them on the mantlepiece to see if they would fuck!	Dreamin' Sent By Nikkx If u want me 2 give u sum press down ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... R u asleep yet coz dreamin is as close as ya gonna get.....
Ring Sent By Yvonne Carrick A ring is round, A well is deep & in ur arms i long to sleep & in ur bed i long to lye no 1 else but u & i	Mafia Sent By Jammer Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia... One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!!	N H S Sent By Stacy Foster The NHS Regrets to inform you that your birth was a mistake, could you please report to your local hospital to be put down, Sorry for any inconvenience.
Doomed Sent By Stacy Foster I'm at the Police Station now. The Police caught me n filed a case against me. "POSSESSION OF A GORGEOUS FACE" i'mdoomed. the evidence is very clear. HELP!	At This Moment... Sent By Adam At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91milliom at a party and one sad fucker is reading this SMS	At This Moment...2 Sent By Adam A Few minutes go 5million were having sex 2 million were in gun fights 91million having party and one crazy fucker had time to send an fucking SMS
Arse Cheeks Sent By J G Can't believe after all the shit they have been through they're still together...... ....... ....... ...... ..... ...... Who? You're arse cheeks!!	Mary's Doctor Sent By Mark MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB .... .... .... THE DOCTOR FAINTED!!!!!	F & M Sent By Sarah Sav mary had a little lamb its mouth was full of blisters, now its burning on the fire with its brothers and its sisters
Suspense Sent By Kevin how do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? ............. ............ ...tell you later !!!	Weetabix Sent By Carolyn Cass yum yum bubble gum stick it up your mothers bum if it sticks pull her tits and out come her weetabix	Bra Sent By J G A G0OD FRIEND, IS LIKE A GO0D BRA.... HARD 2 FIND, C0MF0RTABLE, SUPP0RTIVE, PREVENTS U FR0M FALLING,HOLDS U TIGHT,AND ALWAYS CLOSE 2 UR HEART...UR MY BRA xxx
Little Miss Druggy Sent By Kyle Godsman little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed along came a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed.	S-E-X Sent By Aamir always start your day with a lot of.. S E X S-mile E-nergy X-citement so make S E X a daily habit, and you'll always be SMILING!	Shoe Sent By Aamir Tell me, is it going in? YEAH. is it hurting? oh yeah ouch its huring.OH i will put it slowly. still hurting?.Aah Yeah.then lets try the other SHOE SIR!
Heather Sent By Emma Grant there was a young girl called heather,whos cunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together	No Sex Sent By ?? There is hot -sex fast -sex group-sex safe-sex telephone -sex and for people with your face no sex	Love Cake Sent By J G RECIPE 4 LUV CAKE:spread legs,squeeze + massage milk pots,check frequently with midfinger,add banana,work in-out till well creamed.Cake done when banana soft!!!